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Posts Tagged ‘feedback’

Being resilient – 5 more tips

April 5, 2013 1 comment

So here are the other 5 tips I promised you last week, I do hope the others have been proving useful:

Jumping1. Make time for yourself

Do things you love doing, including exercise, hobbies, even a relaxing bath.

2. Make gratitude and appreciation a habit

It may sound corny but take time to appreciate what you have and to be grateful for.  Even make a daily practice of writing down everything you have to be grateful for.  This was one of Susan Jeffers’ tips in ‘End the Struggle and Dance with Life’

3. Keep things in proportion

Sometimes it’s easy to over react and fly into a panic when things go wrong.  Take a deep breath, step back and think rationally before speaking or reacting.  Most things can be sorted out by thinking first and then reacting, rather than the other way round – which may even make things worse.  Mostly when things ‘go wrong’ or don’t go as you expect it’s just a step in the process to getting to an acceptable option.

4. Know what you can change and what you can’t

Develop the serenity to accept the things you cannot change, the courage to change the things you can and the wisdom to know the difference.  (Reinhold Niebuhr)   There is no point in sweating about trying to change things you can’t do anything about.

5. There is no failure only feedback and learning

You can choose to believe this. It’s what’s called a ‘belief of excellence’ in NLP.  Thomas Edison said that he had not failed 10,000 times (or was it 1000, 700 or maybe 5000?) but had just found 10,000 ways that didn’t work!  There’s always something you can learn when things don’t turn out as you intended and very rarely is it the end of the line – it’s just time to change tactics, try a different approach.  AND you’ll do it better next time.

 So what are your tips? do share what works for you, keeping strong and able to ‘dance with life’.

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Fed up with feedback?

Feedback? what comes to mind when you hear that word? BOHICA? Bend Over Here it Comes Again!?  In many organisations feedback is just a moderately polite way of beating someone up, or a way of making you feel you have ‘done your job’ and ‘sorted someone out’ – as you SHOULD as a manager.  But it doesn’t have to be like that……

This blog post was inspired by Sarah Williams and Lis Geake and their comments on my last posting about ‘yes but…’

Lis’s very precise take on feedback (I’m choosing my words carefully here as I know she’ll be checking this!) “It would be a lot easier to avoid ‘yes but’ if people giving praise focused on specifics. “You did great work” isn’t half as much use as “The errors you corrected in my presentation have saved me a lot of time and saved my blushes”. It’s much harder to say ‘but’ after specific praise, which pops up in childcare books but is just as worth doing for adults. Should I be bold and share this thought on Caroline’s blog? Maybe, but…”

Apart from being making me laugh, she’s right of course!specific feedback

Some key tips for giving feedback:

  • be sincere – if people detect you don’t mean it they will lose trust in you
  • know why you are giving it – do you genuinely intend it to help them improve their performance or boost their morale, or just to cover your back?
  • adopt the ‘Dutch’ belief about feedback – how can someone act on something if they don’t know about it?  rather than the British approach that it’s either  i) a cruel and heartless thing to do and should only be used in extremis (if negative) or  ii) a very unBritish expression of emotion and they should just know I think it’s good (when positive)
  • a useful formula for being specific is ‘AID’ – what was the ACTION, what was the IMPACT, what could they DO more of/do differently or DEVELOP

What are your top tips for effective feedback? share your thoughts here or on my Facebook page: CarolineTalbottLtd Facebook

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The tyranny of “yes but…”

Are you a victim of the tyranny of “Yes but…..”

I’ve known a few people in my time who have been unable to just take a positive and be happy with it, enjoy it, savour it.  I had one friend who was even known as Jack ‘yeah but’ Thompson (name changed to protect the innocent).  His behaviour was a real energy drainer to both himself and those around him – if you said “That was a great piece of work Jack”  the response was “Yeah but…”, “It’s great that you’ve got the opportunity to work on that project Jack” – “Yeah but….”

So once again, ‘catching yourself’ is the secret – do you do this to yourself or to your team and colleagues?  One manager I worked for in my early days used to say “excellent draft!  now let’s see how we can improve it!”  Some people (and this used to include me),  when asked if they can do something,  start with all the difficulties they can think of or by diminishing what they can do rather than “Yes”.

If someone pays you a compliment – just say “thank you”

When someone brings you a piece of work – do you really need to put your stamp on it and ‘improve’ it?

If someone says things are going well – just enjoy the sensation….

Listen to yourself, and stop before you speak if that ‘b’ word is going to pop out – and notice how much better things seem when you’re not always looking for what’s wrong with them!

What do you think? or would you like to comment but.……..

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