Archive for the ‘NLP’ Category

Being resilient – 5 more tips

April 5, 2013 1 comment

So here are the other 5 tips I promised you last week, I do hope the others have been proving useful:

Jumping1. Make time for yourself

Do things you love doing, including exercise, hobbies, even a relaxing bath.

2. Make gratitude and appreciation a habit

It may sound corny but take time to appreciate what you have and to be grateful for.  Even make a daily practice of writing down everything you have to be grateful for.  This was one of Susan Jeffers’ tips in ‘End the Struggle and Dance with Life’

3. Keep things in proportion

Sometimes it’s easy to over react and fly into a panic when things go wrong.  Take a deep breath, step back and think rationally before speaking or reacting.  Most things can be sorted out by thinking first and then reacting, rather than the other way round – which may even make things worse.  Mostly when things ‘go wrong’ or don’t go as you expect it’s just a step in the process to getting to an acceptable option.

4. Know what you can change and what you can’t

Develop the serenity to accept the things you cannot change, the courage to change the things you can and the wisdom to know the difference.  (Reinhold Niebuhr)   There is no point in sweating about trying to change things you can’t do anything about.

5. There is no failure only feedback and learning

You can choose to believe this. It’s what’s called a ‘belief of excellence’ in NLP.  Thomas Edison said that he had not failed 10,000 times (or was it 1000, 700 or maybe 5000?) but had just found 10,000 ways that didn’t work!  There’s always something you can learn when things don’t turn out as you intended and very rarely is it the end of the line – it’s just time to change tactics, try a different approach.  AND you’ll do it better next time.

 So what are your tips? do share what works for you, keeping strong and able to ‘dance with life’.

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What are the voices telling you?

September 23, 2011 2 comments

Amanda’s comment on my last post “it’s easy to become so self consumed in negativity when you fail to turn it around on the spot” got me thinking about the voices we all hear giving us a commentary on how we are doing.  No you’re not crazy, it’s part of our nature.

And very often they are negative:Voices in your head

“Who do you think you are, thinking you could be a Partner in this firm”

“What an idiot you are – you got that wrong again”

“It’s no good applying for that job because there will be hundreds of people better qualified than me”

Where do they come from? often from people who admonished us in our early life – some even hear the actual voices of those people, for others it’s a voice of their own invention.

So what can you do?

  • Remember that it takes 28 days to change a habit – that’s good news! it’s not going to take forever to change the habit of a lifetime – just 28 days of conscious focus and effort to develop a new habit of saying positive things to yourself. For example:  “OK, so I got it wrong today – next time I’ll be better able to catch myself quicker”, “I am worthy of this success”, “I’ll give it a go – because even if I don’t get it right this time I’ll have learn something and I’ll be more successful next time”
  • Believe that ‘There is no failure, only feedback’.  A coachee of mine, when he realises in retrospect he’s made a duff decision, comes up with a better solution and says to himself,  “OK, I’ve had an idea about how we can do this better”.  I’m not saying never admit to making a mistake, but do think about what new possibilities there now are.  Believe also that ‘we all make the best decision at the time based on the information available to us’.  These are what’s known in NLP as ‘beliefs of excellence’
  • Remember you’re in good company: Thomas Edison said  “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work”. “Many of life’s failures are men who did not realise how close they were to success when they gave up.”

How have you changed the voices in your head for the better?  Do post your ideas below.

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