Home > Challenges, Leadership > Confidence – if they’re right, I must be wrong

Confidence – if they’re right, I must be wrong

Well, first an apology for the radio silence – rather ironic after my last post about getting focused!  I guess my focus changed – firstly to a fabulous holiday in Tanzania and then to getting here for work – Botswana!

No matter where you are in the world, or life, this may be you:

One of the things I’ve found knocks my confidence and makes me feel inadequate is seeing a colleague doing a tremendous job.  Strange, given you would think it would be a great learning opportunity.  It led me to use the powerful technique of Cognitive Behavioural Coaching (CBC) on myself – with thanks to Gladeana McMahon, one of the pioneers of this development on the better known Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT).

What thoughts were triggering that emotion and how could I turn those from negative into positive thoughts and emotions? Replace “If that’s what good looks like, I must be doing it wrong.  I feel so useless”  with “Wow, that’s a great approach. How well it works for him.  How different to my way, which works well too.  Anything I could learn from his repertoire? And when does my way actually work better?”

Confidence - if they're right I must be wrongOne example is a couple of management trainers I work with who must be the greatest showmen on earth.  How could I match them?  Until someone pointed out to me that relentless joking can be very wearing, especially for introverts, and not everyone appreciates it.  Many people like something more considered and reflective.

So my colleagues are not totally right and neither am I totally wrong – or right.

Just appreciate the differences, learn from both and use what works for the diverse people you have contact with every day.

What knocks your confidence, and what do you do about it?  do post a comment and share your thoughts.

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Photo: © Olga Barbakadze – Fotolia.com

  1. Brett
    March 16, 2012 at 09:54

    Thanks Caroline, and bang on as usual!

    I was coaching a client only yesterday, and she was running through her programme of how everything was probably going to go horribly wrong. Apparently her mother does this all the time, so I wonder where she get it from?

    So I used the Cognitive Behavioural approach and have set her some homework: get a book and write down lots of examples of things she thought would turn out badly on the left hand page, and then write what actually happened on the right hand page.

    Can’t wait to find out how well it’s worked!

    Hope you’re having immense fun in Botswana.

    All the best, Brett x

    • March 17, 2012 at 15:56

      Sounds a great approach to use to help her change her thinking Brett. Could be life changing! And life and work in Botswana is great thank you. Hope the AC coaching forum on Monday is equally fun – I’m really sorry I’ll miss it, learnt so much last time.

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